so many times this week, and last, to update my blog. But nothing seems to be the right post to follow my last one. But, I don't think anything will be "right" after that, so I will just continue to write, though these things seem so trivial.
Last night, we had a family barbeque at my Uncle Ron's house. We don't often see that side of the family, and so it's often a lot of catch up and small talk. But last night, I had a really good talk with my cousin. She said she had been thinking about calling me, because she has been dating a man who has a child with an ex, and she is finding that the relationship becomes more difficult everyday, and really needed to hear that it's worth it in the end.
So, I started thinking about whether I find this marriage, to a man that I love more than I ever thought was possible, "worth it". How much would I "put up with" before it was no longer worth it...
I have to admit that I don't have answers to these questions. I am committed to God, and I am committed to my husband, which means that there is no "end" so it's not a question of whether I'm going anywhere or not. It's a question of how much can my emotions (and ultimately my heart) handle before I start to shut down (or go crazy).
I don't know.
But I do know that as each day goes by, (some of them hard, some of them easy, ) that I love being HIS wife more and more, that I love being THEIR stepmother more and more, and that THIS is where I'm supposed to be.
I need to trust the Lord that He will provide the strength I need for each day...
and I'm trying.