Saturday, February 20, 2010

Things I realized today...

Khai is AMAZING at piano.  He picked up the things we were learning in class today SO quickly.  The more he practices, the better he gets! Yes. I may be a bit biased but really, I was so proud of him. I really need to practice consistently with him.

I love afternoon naps. 

Helmut is very uncomfortable with me telling Khai the truth about his adoption.   He doesn't like discussing it, he thinks it will confuse him and that we shouldn't tell him yet.  He got very defensive, very quickly, and the truth is that he doesn't want to feel like he is the "other" father in Khai's life. The truth is that he is the only  father that Khai has ever known (and likely ever will know) and I wish he felt as secure in that as both Khai and I do.  He should try being a step mother.  

Brett is loving having his own room.  He is more pleasant now that he has his own space and he's proving that he's got the sense of responsibilty along with his new found independence.

I've hardly taken any pictures this month. 

Declan has some amazing blue eyes.  He gets me everytime I look at him.   He's got this way of looking at you until you melt and this way of hugging you that takes your breath away. 

I love my new haircut.  I needed a change.

and finally....6 more sleeps til VEGAS!!!!

What did you realize today??

Friday, February 19, 2010

Life gets in the way.

I'm feeling completely uninspired.  I don't enjoy any of the crafting things that I used to,  and I don't know how to fix that.  I don't really have any other outlet for myself (other than shopping I guess! HA!) and I'm not quite sure how to get back in that groove.

I'm looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.  But I've got a suspicion that I'm heading for some kind of change.  I wish I knew what was it was.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Another friend.

**Again, I preface this post by saying that there were MANY MANY people who I felt were there for me during the first two years of Khai's life.  I love each and every person who helped me out during that time***

Post partum depression.  It's real and it hits many of us mom's (new or otherwise) deal with it in one form or another.  It's hard when you have a newborn who requires all of your attention, physical and emotional energy as well as anything else you may have stored up, plus some you don't.  It's even harder when you are alone.  When you don't have a husband to lean on, when you feel like you are facing the world alone. 

After I had Khai, I suffered from a mild form of depression, for almost 2 years.  My hormones were incredibly out of balance and every little thing seemed like the end of the world. 
I found out that my mat leave was ending early (even though they'd approved it for the regular period of time) and I took a job as a nanny.  Twice.  You'd think I would have learned after the first time. 
I hadn't dated anyone since I found out I was being cheated on in my fifth month of pregnancy and I was lonely. 
The only joy in my life was Khai.  He made things bearable and there were often times when I would sneak into his room after he had fallen asleep and hold him in my arms and weep.

But, I did have a friend.  She talked to me for endless hours on the phone; she watched Khai almost at the drop of a hat; she offered me advice and support and 

My sister, Michelle, was that friend.  She made me feel as though there was someone else in this with me.  Made me feel like I always had someone in my corner.  She made a difference to me.  And I will never forget that. 

I love you Michelle.

Friday, February 5, 2010

conversations with 5 year olds...

Khai:  Daddy, did you know that your car has a bigger crack in it now?
(the windshield has a crack in it)
Helmut: Yes, I know.
Khai:  Well, I don't like your car, because it has a crack in it.
Me:  How about you be grateful for the car that just took you to the mall to buy you that new hat?
Khai:  I am grateful about your van Mummy. It's better.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Three Friends. One at a time.

I've been putting off posting this for awhile. 
I explained here how hard it has been for me to look back at these times in my life, but these people really DO deserve to be honored (even if it is just on my blog) here it goes.

**I want to preface this whole section by saying that there were MANY MANY people who helped me through these times.  These are just three that stand out at this particular moment in time.**

I found out within three minutes of each other (LITERALLY 3 minutes) that I'd lost my job and that I was pregnant.  After I told my boyfriend, he told me he wanted me to have an abortion.  I said no. 
I don't remember the exact sequence of events here, my mind is a little fuzzy, but this is sort of the way things happened. 
A friend called me, just to keep in touch, and I shared with her the most recent happenings in my life.  I told her that I did not feel like leaving the house (or seeing anyone) and instead she offered to come over and she brought some homemade soup and one of the best loaves of bread I've ever had...even to this day. 
As we sat there, I shared my problems with her...and she listened, responded and actually, genuinely cared about what was going on in my life.  In an effort to not talk about me the entire evening, I asked her (since we were talking about my pregnancy) when she and her husband were going to have kids.  She then told me that they had actually been trying for several years to get pregnant.  She has endometriosis and told me that they weren't sure whether they would ever conceive. 

I can only imagine how hard it would be to sit and listen to another person's unplanned pregnancy story while desparately desiring a baby of your own.  But she did.  She listened, she cared, she fed me, she loved me. 

I felt incredibly...overwhelmed.  Thank you Hilda.  You blessed me more than you know.

Twiddling my thumbs....

That's what I feel like I'm doing while I wait for this trip to Vegas! However, I have a LOT (and I mean a lot) of stuff to do before we go. 

I'm going into Khai's class next week to work on a Valentine's Day project with the kids.  (I'll make a sample and post DIY instructions next week)

I have to make 10 half and 2 full aprons for the school's musical by Feb. 24th. 

I have to finish my Valentine's Day presents for my nieces and nephew, dh, and the kids.

I have to help Khai make Valentines for his class at school. 

I have to pack and arrange life for the time we are away.

The problem is all I want to do is plan for Vegas.  But I just keep repeating to myself, "The sooner it's done, the sooner Vegas will come!"  Ready, set, GO!

Be sure to visit me at the MSS blog later today for my take on a premade art journal (I'm just waiting for my camera battery to charge). 

I can't wait to escape from this winter wonderland!!

Happy Thursday!!!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I never thought...

...that I'd get to go to Vegas, let alone stay at one of their most amazing hotels, but that is what we are doing!  We, along with some friends of ours (one of whom is a complete genius for finding an amazing deal) , will leave for Vegas at the end of February!

Can you guess where we're staying? 
It's supposed to be one of the most amazing hotels on the strip.  Oh. I just can't wait! 

I'll share more details with you as we figure them out, but for now, I need your help! This will be my very first trip to Vegas. What do I absolutely have  to do while we're there?

Did I mention I can't wait!!

Back from the land of the drowsy...

Yes, it's true.  I have returned. 

I am pleased to announce that the colonoscopy and gastroscopy went well.  I don't remember ANYTHING (which as I may have said to many of you, was my goal).  I was told that the procedure both showed that my various insides are normal, however they took biopsies of several places to make sure there are no cancerous cells growing at this time.  I will find out more at my follow up appointment, which I think will be in 2 or 3 months. 

Last week felt like a wash because I was drowsy for 2 days after the procedure and then I was playing catch up the rest of the week here at home.

I'm hoping to play catch up here in blogger land this week.  I'll be back later today with an exciting announcement!!!