Monday, October 19, 2009


I've been thinking a lot today, about the way things used to be.  Before I had kids.  Before I had committments.  Before I had responsibilites.  This can be a dangerous line of thought, particularly when I'm having a bad day, so I don't let myself do it often.  However, today, I'm feeling okay with the world (for the most part) and am allowing myself this little trip down memory lane. 

I worked in a job I hated because the money was good.
I went out every night on the weekends, and not at all during the week. (I have always been a home has to be really really worth it to get me out of the house)
I was in love with many of which was a man whom I knew would never love me back...
I spent time with people just because I wanted to.  It wasn't an effort to try to fit people in. 
I drank one Diet Coke and ate one bag of jalapeno and cheddar kettle cooked chips for breakfast every morning.
I was lonely.
I drove in a car I LOVED, listening to my music too loud with the windows down.
I watched movies about martial arts.
I weighed only 100 lbs.

Not all of these things were good things. I remember a lot of crying.  I remember being very dissatisfied.  I remember not wanting to sleep in my own place, so I drove to a friends place, and not wanting to bother them, parked my car up the street and slept there all night. (and yes, I realize that was completely stupid, not to mention potentially dangerous)

But, that was my life for many years.  It is a time I look back at fondly, wishing I could relive some of those experiences.  It is a time I look back at thankfully.  Thankful that I no longer have to be alone. Thankful that I now have someone (many someone's) to spend my time, energy and life on.

But, people grow up.  They mature.  They change.  I did.  I had to. 

and I'm not sorry I did, which is why I can take these trips down memory lane. 

Because I'm pretty happy with the way my life turned out.

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